1/27/13

Awkward Moments Are A Treasure

Warning: Awkward Content 
My sister Helena is having an awkward story linky party, so we can read awkward stories about her and others! the best part? If enough people participate she will have at least 4 more! Who doesn't love an awkward story? So I'll share mine with whoever still reads my blog, and you can share one too! I'd recommend it. Writing it out is not only enjoyable for others to read but it's therapeutic too. 
Okay, so the year is 2009, my wedding is less than a week away and I decided I wanted to start packing for my honeymoon. I was so excited for our trip! We were going on a cruise to Mexico, I'd dreamed of going on a cruise for my honeymoon ever since I saw the movie Anastasia, and I'd never been to Mexico: added bonus. 
I'd received a lot of gifts of the sexy and awkward variety at my bridal shower (that's a story in and of itself, opening gummie penises and edible underwear with my soon to be mother in law sitting next to me) as well as at my bachelorette parties (my friend Bryn threw me a little party, and my sisters took me out for a night of fun as well). All of the gifts I received went right into a box. I didn't sort through any of it as the whole idea of suddenly going from just kissing and cuddling to whole on intercourse was still a little uncomfortable to think about. So when I was packing I just dumped the whole box, as well as a bunch of lingerie I already owned, into a small suitcase. That's right, I had a whole bag devoted entirely to this stuff. 
Fast forward to the day after our wedding, we were standing in line to board the ship, going through medal detectors as our luggage went through the X-ray machines. Michael and I were called back, something in our suitcase was suspicious, could we please open it for them... 
Okay, I tell them, confident there is nothing in the bag that shouldn't be allowed... Oh wait, I just realized which suitcase it was! They open it, and it is filled to the brim with frilly and lacy garments. Three or four security guards stand around the suitcase as one rifles through, taking out the police man hat, the feather duster and the chocolate body paint to get to the medal handcuffs at the bottom of the bag. They were fake, of course, with the release latch on the cuffs, but they were sturdy medal, and NOT allowed. 
I was mortified! The guards were trying to be discreet, but other passengers saw and I noticed a few knowing looks and smiles shared by some of the female guards. 
The officer put a note on the cuffs, told us we could get them after we returned, then congratulated us on getting married and sent us on our way. 
My face had ever been so red before! I wanted to burrow into a hole and I'm pretty sure I didn't make eye contact with any of them as I boarded the ship. 
We didn't go back for the cuffs, I was too embarrassed. But now, I kind of wish I had because it would have been funny. 
The craziest part of the story? I accidentally had my pepper spray with me in my purse on the plane ride over and as we boarded the cruise ship... Oops. But hey, no one found it even though I was selected as the random person to search before the flight... That doesn't really make me feel safe, but I definitely had guardian angels watching out for me so that we could make the trip.
So that's my story! 
Let me know if you link one up too, and I'll be sure to read it!
Life in the Pitts

4 comments:

JeanHasBeenShopping said...

Omgawd, that's too funny! Makes my story seem very tame in comparison.

Helena said...

Oh my gosh, I had completely forgotten about this!!! I am dying over here. An entire suitcase.... I bought you that police hat... It could not have been better. Kurt got called out for extra screening boarding a plane last year for the same reason. Handcuffs, not feather dusters. And after 4 or 5 security guards came over and started laughing, they let him through. He got to keep the cuffs. SO funny. I'm really glad you shared :)

viewfromdownhere said...

Ha, that is just too funny! I would have been mortified as well :-)

Alaskan Girl said...

Yes, I would be blushing head to toe.